La Mirada Blog
Articles by Giacomo Bono, Ph.D.
Authentic Gratitude for Holidays and for Good
The holiday season can seem like both the best of times and the worst of times. Many people, especially those of us living in urban areas, may be vacillating between two thoughts: “here comes the joyous season of thanks and giving” and “here comes the stress of the holidays”. While many people look forward to the holidays as a time to share cheer with family and friends, admittedly, preparing for all this cheer takes time and money. Plus, other circumstances may add to the stress, like being cooped up with people you see just once a year and maybe don’t have a lot in common with and living under temporary arrangements in someone else’s home. While all this can add up and easily sap joy from us, the fact is that this holiday state of affairs—making the best of times, despite the stress of the times—presents us with optimal circumstances for learning the importance of choosing gratitude.
Dealing with the Stress of the Holidays
First, let’s deal with the stressful part. Many of us have fallen prey to negative emotional contagion -- the tendency for people to feel and mimic the emotional expressions of others during social interactions. For instance, we experience sadness or negative moods as a result of a friend’s tragedy or a family member’s cynicism. Studies show that automatically mimicking the expressions of a friend (e.g., a frown) tricks our brains into assuming the emotions associated with that expression, such as anger or frustration, as our own. Well recent research shows that even commonplace rudeness from people who we aren’t close with psychologically spreads too. This research shows that when people are the target of annoying or rude behavior, or even just witnesses of it, that this activates negative thoughts, which then leads them to interpret ambiguously benign behaviors as rude and, worst, to behave rudely or even vengefully toward others. Thus, even low-grade negativity can infect us.
Choose Gratitude, But Do it Your Way
Luckily, research shows that happiness and positive emotions spread too. So I’m gratified to see societal trends toward extending empathy or compassion more toward others (e.g., solidarity in response to the terrorist attacks in Paris or the call to take in refugees from Syria). And while I’m also happy to see service and charity surge during the holiday season, the sheer amount of talk circulating both in daily life and in the media about the importance of being “grateful”, “giving thanks”, or being “generous” around this time of year can backfire if people see it as forced or inauthentic. Therefore, I’d like to clear the air and hopefully inspire you to “choose gratitude” now and beyond the season of thanks and giving.
You may have considered the fact that expressions of gratitude can be trite during Thanksgiving, and research supports you not just bowing to the seasonal pressure but figuring out a way to do gratitude your own way. So here’s the bottom line: the choice of gratitude is within your power more than you think and the choice itself tricks our brains and bodies more potently into feeling genuine joy than mere emotional contagion.
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